I am short and that’s not an exaggeration. To give you an idea of my height, I’m barely 5’3″ when I’m balancing on my toes. I’ve heard of the benefits to being short and the negative things about being tall, but that hasn’t kept me from thinking that life might be a little bit easier if I was taller. Because of my height, I get lost easily (or maybe it’s that people lose me). When I think of all of the times I get lost, I’m not exactly embarrassed, just resigned. After all, I’m not going to get any taller! I mention all of this because sometimes I wish I could blame my lack of direction in life on my height. I know that the whole idea is silly, but in reality, I can’t blame my reasons for not understanding my future on God.
I like to know what’s going on with my life and I think that’s how it is with most people. Sometimes I wish I could fast forward my life and see where I end up and how I can get there so I can do it properly. You may call it being a control freak, I call it wanting to do everything right and not make any mistakes. I don’t want to mess up and miss out what I’m supposed to be doing.
I have recently graduated from college and now I am without a job. It’s an odd feeling to go from student to unemployed. I usually have a plan A or even a plan B. However, all I’m doing now is looking for a job. In between job hunting, I’m writing and photographing again. Other than that, I don’t have a plan B. In fact, I think I’m on plan C or D now and I’m not even sure what they look like. I have a vague idea, but they’re not concrete plans. For someone like me, it’s definitely not the ideal situation.
It’s difficult when you think something good (like a job) is happening and that God has His hand on it, but then it doesn’t work out. I thought everything was going to work out. I thought I was heading in the right direction, but now I’m not sure where I’m going. Situations changed, and now I’m left confused. I’m still working on understanding that God still has His hand on it. Sure, I thought my plans were pretty good and it seemed like it was all going to work out, but apparently that’s not where I was supposed to go.
It may not look like it’s working out the way I planned, but that’s because I can’t see the big picture. I know I’ll look back one day and be thankful that some things didn’t work out as I wanted. I know because it’s all happened before. It may not look like it’s working out to me, but I’m confident that it’s working out all according to God’s plan. It probably doesn’t make any logical sense, but I trust Him.
When these situations arrive, the key is to not go to people for help or advice first. I mean, good friends are there for a reason, and seeking the advice of wise people is a good thing, but they are not there to replace God. Always ask God first what He wants for you to do and where to go. Your friends’ words should confirm His words.
I remember when I was rejected from the university I wanted/needed to get into (more here). It felt like I had made a wrong turn. So naturally, I thought that I wasn’t supposed to go there, that the rejection was a sign that I was supposed to leave as I wanted. I wanted to run and get away. I tried to find ways out of the town I was living in, but no matter how I tried, everything would lead me back here. I looked into year-long internships in other cities and thought of going to universities that were somewhere else. After all, they were accepting me so why not? But nothing would work out for me. I also didn’t feel any peace when I considered leaving. Much to my annoyance, I knew in my heart that I was supposed to stay. I knew God wanted me to remain where I was, but the moment things weren’t working out, I began doubting my choices..
Just because the door closed doesn’t mean it’s all over either. Closed doors may mean that it is not what was intended for you. A closed door does not mean defeat; it often means there’s something better in motion. In the moment, that is a difficult concept to grasp but time and time again, I’ve experienced its truth in action. But sometimes, I think we are too accepting that a closed door means defeat. There are doors that we have to ‘knock on’ to open. We just have to know when it’s time to to step away and move on from a closed door.
Even though I’m short and have no idea where I’m going half the time because I can’t see what’s ahead of me or above me, I am constantly reminded that God is so much bigger than I am. He’s not lost like how I feel. He’s not short either, which is a relief because I always need someone taller than me who know what’s going on. With this knowledge, I draw comfort from the fact that God knows what’s going on. But just because He knows what’s going on doesn’t mean I shouldn’t seek to understand His ways.
That’s exactly what I am doing in this season of adjustment and discomfort. It’s like when I didn’t get into the university of my choice the first time all over again. However, unlike last time, I know a little more of what to do. I won’t waste this season on doubting God’s word or trying to make things happen. Instead I will spend the waiting and the uncertainty seeking Him and resting in His promises for my life. It’s easier said than done, but I’m determined to spend this season the best way possible.
Do I know what’s going to happen next? No, but I hope it’s good. I know the Lord has a plan for me, but sometimes I find it difficult to believe how it could be any better than my own plans. But that is only because I know my own plans and not His.
I still don’t know what I’m going to do or where I want to be, but I’m going to continue to seek the Lord and His wisdom. He knows where He’s guiding me. I shouldn’t have to worry about my life because He’s got it all under control. I only have to remain open to where He’s leading me and trust that He knows what He’s doing because He does. He knows infinitely more than I ever will.